threat, fear, and paralysis
i once posted on the freedom of mediocrity. it wasn't received too well. mainly i think it was misunderstood. but i keep coming back to the issue.
there is freedom in being dispensable, expendable, and mediocre. if i am not important, i have no responsibility. that is some form of freedom.
the only problem is that i like being needed, unique, and excellent. i like being important. but this is binding--it only gives freedom in certain situations. if someone is better at something than me in a community, then my importance falls dramatically. my freedom to answer questions, speak eloquently, kick tail in ping pong is gone. i am no longer free. i am bound by my own fear--fear of being less than... fear, of course, leads to paralysis. not only am i not free to do the things at which someone is better than me, but i am afraid even to attempt. this puts it a step behind, because fear precedes action and is fueled by threat. simply the threat of not being needed, unique, and excellent removes the possibility of action. if i am free, then i act. if i do not act, then i am necessarily not free.
however, knowing that only one is important removes from me the requirement of being important. more than that, it removes from me the threat of not being unique--because there is only one who's unique. no more threat; no more paralysis. freedom in the authority of the one. (tim may want to say there are two who are unique!)
i suppose this is why my man O'Donovan says that authority is the "objective correlate of freedom." authority is needed to ensure freedom for all others. it removes the necessity of being important and required. it's like gandalf whose presence assures safety; it's like dumbledore whose presence makes things alright (until recently, Rowling....bah!); it's like the father whose ability to shoulder responsibility gives freedom to all whose responsibility he bears.
anyway, still something i'm working through. i hate having hte fear of being less than... really, who gives a crap?
there is freedom in being dispensable, expendable, and mediocre. if i am not important, i have no responsibility. that is some form of freedom.
the only problem is that i like being needed, unique, and excellent. i like being important. but this is binding--it only gives freedom in certain situations. if someone is better at something than me in a community, then my importance falls dramatically. my freedom to answer questions, speak eloquently, kick tail in ping pong is gone. i am no longer free. i am bound by my own fear--fear of being less than... fear, of course, leads to paralysis. not only am i not free to do the things at which someone is better than me, but i am afraid even to attempt. this puts it a step behind, because fear precedes action and is fueled by threat. simply the threat of not being needed, unique, and excellent removes the possibility of action. if i am free, then i act. if i do not act, then i am necessarily not free.
however, knowing that only one is important removes from me the requirement of being important. more than that, it removes from me the threat of not being unique--because there is only one who's unique. no more threat; no more paralysis. freedom in the authority of the one. (tim may want to say there are two who are unique!)
i suppose this is why my man O'Donovan says that authority is the "objective correlate of freedom." authority is needed to ensure freedom for all others. it removes the necessity of being important and required. it's like gandalf whose presence assures safety; it's like dumbledore whose presence makes things alright (until recently, Rowling....bah!); it's like the father whose ability to shoulder responsibility gives freedom to all whose responsibility he bears.
anyway, still something i'm working through. i hate having hte fear of being less than... really, who gives a crap?
posted by Aaron Perry at
11:45 PM
11 Comments:
Interesting post.
A brief thought based on this comment from your original post: "if someone is better at something than me in a community, then my importance falls dramatically".
If we see ourselves as part of the body of Christ, the success of our brother or sister is our success as well and someone being better than me at something adds to my value rather than taking away from it. .
John
i think you're right, john. the problem with persistent sins, though, is that they are persistent! :)
So many people struggle with that if they are honest. That's not to say we shouldn't work through it, but I appreciate you bringing this subject up...It's hard not to feel threatened by someone else's importance. Its hard not to get insecure when someone comes along who can fill your shoes...sigh. Its natural...and we need God to help us deal with it. Thanks for posting on this topic...makes me evaluate my heart!
i like these thoughts, ap. i don't know about the authority part though. many times authorities are wrong, and we are not using our freedom best when we submit to them. "Some are guilty, but all are responsible." (Havel??) is the quote that comes to mind. I think we all share some small part in the responsiblity for what we allow our authorities to do/not do.
as for the uniqueness longing, well, how many of you fellow readers would agree that you have not yet met another AP walking the face of the earth? what, no one has? yep,that's what i thought. excuse my trite-ness.
I remember the post on freedom of mediocrity. I really appreciated it. Over the last month I have been reflecting on a similar thought of how ordinary I am. My first reaction was fear and a deep urge to prove my value and that I could stand out. That’s slowly slipping away (though not totally dead). Being nothing special is freeing but requires a painful death to self.
Well said, AP, and everyone else as well... I think I agreed with and understood the orginal post way back when, but your thoughts on fear and insecurity really clear things up.
If we could all just love ourselves as we are, then maybe we'd be more free to love others. I mean if we love ourselves as we are, we are less likely to compare or feel jealous or threatened. Then we can love the other person and appreciate their uniqueness more fully.
Now that I look at it, I think I'm just repeating what John said in different words.
i am glad i have expressed myself better here. nor am i surprised that one of the most selfless people i know is the one who pushes beyond it (john!).
jo raises a good question. what about when authorities are wrong? notice that i used authority in the singular. i am speaking generically of authority--or concretely in the authority of the One. the examples i used are pretty much infallible examples of authority. the authorities, however, used in the plural, do maintain freedom and increase opportunity--freedom to improve health, and opportunity to have hospitals near me; freedom to earn a living, and opportunity to study at different schools; freedom to travel, and opportunity to use different roads. they do make mistakes, though, and for this reason they only (sometimes) barely reflect true authority. the authority of the One, however, is exactly the spot that gives us space to address the "authorities" in critique (which is why i rail against the Canadian gov't so often). precisely because this One reigns, risen and ascended, do the ones who preserve freedom now have resposibility to do so Christ-ly.
now, this was far more than you wanted, jo, and more than maybe you had in mind, but you can't get me started on political theology and expect me to get stopped quickly! :)
haha. duly noted.
I give a crap...in fact, I give two craps...
man do I miss AP...
I agree, and I struggle. It's what makes us real, human. and freedom from ourselves is what makes Christ so awe-inspiring. "The Glory of God is man fully alive"...too bad we're still partially dead...such is life
You know, I was going to say that I give a crap too, but Jason already said that...sigh...what's a gal to do? I read your post a few days ago, and I'll be honest in saying that I'm still processing things in order to give some form of an intelligent response. You have a way with words AP which often (as I mentioned once before) give my mind something to chew on. Talk about fear of being less than...my response is less than...
the last phrase in my post was more about "who gives a crap if other people are less than..." i mean, my best friends are all less thans...and i don't care about it! i care about them...in fact, some of the things that they are less than is what endears them to me. i don't think anyone gives a crap that other people they care about are less than... why put the onus on ourselves? (but thanks to deroche and sarah, all the same! :))
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home