Imagination Conversion and Marriage
Imagination conversion means we get to see the world in a new way. Of course, sometimes the way we see the world is like a comfortable blanket we snuggle into. I like seeing the world as I see it because I see it right. I get to say that my discomforts are wrong and unjust; I get to say that my pleasures are what I deserve and fair, and so on. Seeing the world a new way is dangerous. It means I'll likely have to change.
Enter the newest confrontation to my imagination (way of seeing the world): Singleness and Marriage. Being single is not the greatest lifestyle and one that is tempting to gripe about. BUT, Paul calls it a gift (1 Cor. 7:7). I certainly have not considered my singleness a gift and therefore have not thought rightly. The beginning (and continuation) of imagination conversion is repentance--an intentional changing of the mind; thinking anew. Thinking rightly about relationships means that I have to consider my singleness as a gift--moreover a gift from God!
Enter the newest confrontation to my imagination (way of seeing the world): Singleness and Marriage. Being single is not the greatest lifestyle and one that is tempting to gripe about. BUT, Paul calls it a gift (1 Cor. 7:7). I certainly have not considered my singleness a gift and therefore have not thought rightly. The beginning (and continuation) of imagination conversion is repentance--an intentional changing of the mind; thinking anew. Thinking rightly about relationships means that I have to consider my singleness as a gift--moreover a gift from God!
posted by Aaron Perry at
6:24 PM
19 Comments:
If it's a gift He's given me, then I want to be able to return it.
Hey AP,
That's something that I haven't had to consider as I am married. The only way I can relate is by saying that I have often wondered how I would handle things if I found out that I was not able to bear children. I too would have to face that reality and accept that as a gift. Although it's not the same circumstance as yours, and perhaps it really isn't much of a comparison as I do have the companionship of my spouse, that would be very hard for me to accept as I long to have children of my own.
I will say that I have often spoken to Ben about how I can't understand why decent guys like you aren't married, but then I'd rather see you single than with a woman who could potentially ruin your ministry. Sometimes it's all in God's timing too, and perhaps by learning to accept singleness as a gift you will be blessed in other ways. Should in time, the Lord bring a special woman your way, I would like to think that she will be someone who can challenge you on an intellectual level and yet balance your weaknesses with her strengths. Whatever you do, don't settle for someone less than the "best." I realize that the "best" is a matter of opinion, but there is no harm in having certain standards and expectations so long as they are realistic.
As you learn to accept this gift that you currently have, be encouraged. I would like to think that the Lord has a special woman for you, but in the meantime, try to be content with your circumstances (easier said than done - I realize it sounds trite coming from someone who is married). God sees the bigger picture, and perhaps one day you'll be able to look back at this time in your life and see why you had to come to this realization. I'm rooting for you AP - and for all of those other decent male friends of Ben who are single.
thanks sarah, that was indeed a thoughtful response. i am reading a book on forgiveness where the author came to accept the infertility of he and his wife as a gift because it opened the door to them adopting two sons. i am not sure the logic of his work (i.e., acceptance of a gifts means considering the factors leading to this gift as gift; it was this faulty reasoning that lead to seeing the fall as a gift because it lead to a great Saviour; i, however, think it best to label evil as evil and marvel in God's ability to redeem), but i do appreciate it.
let me ask this question: what are you rooting for me--to get married or to embrace well my gift? :)
AP,
As much as I want you to learn to accept this gift at the current time as the Lord has currently revealed this to you, I AM ROOTING FOR YOU TO GET MARRIED. As I've said to my husband more than once, guys like you should not be destined to be single.
The best celibate people--those who are eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom--are invariably those who would thrive in marriage.
For the same energies that they would pour into their families, they are able now to pour into people in their churches, becoming their spiritual fathers and mothers.
from heaven, JPII
I mean, from Otterburne, SGFMB
does JP II stop being JP II and become Karol Wojtyla in heaven?
anyway, your statement urges the consideration that singleness is a gift to be received and then poured out for others. God's gifts are not to be horded and we are always to be channels of his gifts.
AP,
As one who has had the gift of singleness much longer than you,I appreciate your "Imagination Conversion". Indeed, to receive whatever state we are in as a gift from God is a lesson that Paul taught and one that Jesus modeled perfectly in his life, death and resurrection.
Being single has allowed me to give my life away in some pretty radical ways and in doing so I have found abundant joy. I have some sadness for not having children of my own, but I have been able to invest richly in the lives of many teens in my 16 years of youth ministry and as a "surrogate" father to many.
I am "rooting" for you to embrace the gifts that God gives you and not to covet the ones He doesn't.
John
i appreciate your bringing up this topic ap, as i find people to rarely discuss it.
hmmm. i agree that singleness is a gift, and it is a "good" gift. and for a long time i have had no real trouble receiving it. however, here is the analogy of how i see it now: this good gift is like receiving the same [but renewed and enjoyed] favorite sweater year after year only to eventually find that it did not grow along with me: the sweater is now three sizes too small! it is still a gift, and it is still "good." (or of high quality material). because it has been "dubbed" a "gift" by the Giver, i am required to receive it, even though it does not seem to be as useful or comfortable or pleasant as it once was. what good is a fancy sweater if it does not fit me?
be this sacriligious as it may, my point is, i expect God to know me well enough to know what currently fits the ever growing "me." my roommate and i were just discussing this last week. we think paul needs to be read with quite a few additional qualifications!
i just don't think it is as simply explained in the reduced simple language the apostle paul uses. (and fyi, i'm not accusing you of that either). gift giving and receiving is far more psychologically complex. (which makes me think of "the gift" theological debate, but that is another topic).
oops! i forgot to mention the conclusion that my roommate and i came to: WE are not able to determine what gift/sweater actually "fits" us, as our picture of ourselves in the mirror is distorted because we are human.
Just for the record, and so I am not to be misunderstood (AP and I discussed this further through MSN), I am ultimately rooting for AP to accept the gift God has for Him - whether it be his current state of singleness or perhaps marriage in the future. Should he never marry then I will still be rooting for him as He persues the path God has laid out for him.
In my defense, you can't blame a gal for wanting her intellegent guy friend to find a decent woman who would complement him can you??
Yes, I realize it's "pursues" and not "persues" - my typo
jo--i am a little concerned about how flippantly inspired and authoritative Scripture is swept aside. surely God knows how complicated gifts are? surely Paul understands the complexities of God's gift of God's self to Israel (his faithless bride) and of God's gift of election? but i may have misread you.
when you say: "WE are not able to determine what gift/sweater actually "fits" us, as our picture of ourselves in the mirror is distorted because we are human" then all the more reason to submit to Paul's simple language--the language of **Scripture**--and to try to take in how he considers it aa gift that everyone should have! :) have i misread you?
BUT, i will say this: if i have read you rightly, then you have put in print what many simply bear up inside and pay lip service to Scripture. that's worth something.
john: thanks for sharing. you do have a unique perspective and one that i think more deserve to hear.
ap, i wasn't saying that i shouldn't **try** to submit, nor was i dismissing paul's writing as uninspired, i was just saying that the average reader of the text is quick to apply what was said there to **here* which is not necessarily right/wrong, but sometimes needs flexibility. i do not see how i am allegedly treating scripture "flippantly" by saying that paul underestimates the fact that most people are NOT like him. Therefore he does not acknowledge the hardship that his teaching brings. This does not mean that we should not STRIVE (regardless of how we feel about it--it is scripture afterall) to receive the gift greatfully. and i DO think that paul understands God's relationship to Israel. you yourself rightly said that Scripture is not be read as a book of principles to stringently applied but as a story (including the values) to be entered into and understood from placing oneself within the story. this means that when people read that passage and say, "it is better to be single, hands down" or "you should be happy about the freedom of your singleness--paul says so!" they are being stringent in their application. why can they not say, "paul said such and such, and he was divinely inspired, therefore we need to think about how we enter into his teaching on singleness (as you did say now that i think about it)."
I wish I never commented now. I suspect that I am a poor communicator. Oh well. too late now.
p.s. i don't think it is *wrong* to acknowledge as my roommate and i have, that God is not meeting our expectations of him. this is what having a human "self" that communicates with the divine is going to look like. God is the one who defines his own "Good-ness," and we aren't judging him, nor are we rebelling, we are murmuring in honesty at our lack of understanding of the meaning and the big picture of the single life...this is not to say that we do not believe him to be *good* in HIS own terms, not ours. Because in our terms, the reality is, it sometimes doesn't seem like he is (our expectation of what is) good.
ap,
i admire your thoughtful post. and remember that augustine, aquinas, bonaventure, francis, and many other saints lived as a single person, devoting themselves to God. as a married person, sometimes the marriage does get in the way of doing things i'd like to for the kingdom, but i also feel like God is bestowing grace to my wife and i and others through our marriage. there is a definite tension throughout this, where it is obvious that God works in both situations. maybe this is why catholics think that the priest being single is sacramental, but then also consider marriage a sacrament?
Just for the sake of clarity, it's not singleness that's a sacrament. It's ordination. And one can be receive both the sacraments of matrimony and ordination (as Eastern rite Catholic priests do and as Anglican priests who have converted to Catholicism have done). Singleness has been regarded in the Catholic tradition as a higher calling than marriage (this was one of the Reformer's beefs), but this is not to say it is in itself a sacrament.
And JPII will be his name from here on. Eventually, of course, there will be a "the Great" after it and later yet, a "Saint" before it.
But I think God just calls him Karol.
SGFMB
jo--i seem to have misread you. that's not evidence of bad communication necessarily..maybe just poor reading! i admire the honesty.
one more thing, jo. reading my post does come across as "get over it" mentality...or "be like Paul, dummy." this was not my heart in hte least.
I will admit that being single has had its benefits. I am able to invest in friendships like mad, and have been blessed to also be befriended by others. HOWEVER, I will be the first to say that at this time in my life...I'm growing restless.
Yes, we should accept our position in life and keep the faith in believing that God is not doing his job (as director) poorly, ha. We should make the most of where we are at and let God use us during that time.
IF this singleness is truly a gift, then I sure hope He gives me the patience and confidence to continue to use it to its optimum performance.
So, I guess your post AP has helped me see my time of being single from a new perspective. Its a lil gasoline to help keep me going :) at least for as long as I can keep my mindset right.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home